Life's Purpose

Is there a purpose to life?

I’ve spent much of my life debating that very question. I cannot consult statistics or scientific studies to answer it. So I do everything I can to keep my mind away from it. But all of life’s distractions don’t eliminate the moments when my mind wanders to the meaning of life, the ultimate purpose to our existence. 

Some years ago I was in Texas visiting my family. One specific day I remember; my cousins and I were having a blast. We played basketball, threw the baseball around and visited a local ice cream parlor. At the end of the day I went for a run, and while running I came up to a clearing where the land was vacant. I looked into the clear night sky and was stopped dead in my tracks. I sat in the grass for at least a half an hour staring into space, looking at all the stars, losing every bit of courage I thought I had. 

As I looked at the vast amount of starts, I felt myself grow smaller and smaller, until I felt reduced to a small piece of dust. I sat there bewildered, barely able to think, 'Why am I here? What is the purpose of all this!?'

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But who are these questions for?

I finished my run and went back to my cousin’s house. We played a few board games and had a great time. For a few moments I didn't feel so small, so insignificant. But as I laid in bed a feeling of despair, like a dense fog, started to seep in through the windows. My feelings brought to mind a monologue in Arthur Miller’s play After The Fall;

'But underlying it all, I see now, there was a presumption. That I was moving on an upward path toward some elevation, where—God knows what—I would be justified, or even condemned—a verdict anyway. I think now that my disaster really began when I looked up one day—and the bench was empty. No judge in sight. And all that remained was this endless argument with oneself—this pointless litigation of existence before an empty bench. Which, of course, is another way of saying—despair.' (Arthur Miller, After The Fall)

I started to reason with myself about the purpose of life and the existence of a judge: 'If there is no judge on the bench then I'm engaging in an endless, pointless argument with myself that I am worthy of something; if there is no judge then there is no justice for the atrocities I hear on the news. So what point is there to be morally good? Is there such a thing as morals? Is there such a thing as finding a purpose in life?' If there is no judge then there is no purpose to our existence because no matter how hard I work, or how much I fight for justice, nothing will ever be completely justified.

But I still feel like there is a deeper meaning to life, and I still feel a sense of injustice that tugs at my heart. Can these seemingly universal feelings and thoughts just be random chemical reactions in our brain?

If there is no god to judge us, or even if there is a god that just doesn't care about us, then evolution should have taken its course thousands of years ago to eradicate any thoughts or desires of social and political justice. Evolution should have rid all feelings of guilt or remorse. Evolution should have corrected our mind's’ tendency to pursue our own purpose in life. If there is no god to judge, then there is nothing logically or morally wrong with anything.

So why do we feel a need for justice or a desire to be better people?

There has to be something more, something that allows us to feel like we can make a difference. 

Maybe God created all of this. Maybe He is the one who placed us on this earth with ideas of purpose and justice. Maybe He is waiting for us to acknowledge Him so He can show us our purpose. 

To find our purpose we have to pursue justice. Check out the next post for what the Bible teaches about being a part of the justice of God.

Living a Better Story

I like watching movies. And while I specifically like movies that have action, I am also a firm believer that everyone enjoys a good love story. For example, the first time I watched the Notebook I was in a dorm full of male athletes; by the end of the film there was not one dry eye. There is just something about the last scene when Alli remembers Noah, forgets him, screams as he tries to comfort her, and they later [spoiler alert] die together in their sleep. That makes for a good story.

Needless to say, I'm an emotional movie watcher. I often find myself tearing up even in the most action packed movies. I even cry while reading books or stories online. But not until just recently did I stop to wonder why I cry while reading or watching a movie. 

Years ago I read a few of Donald Miller's books, which led me to follow Storyline blog. Many of the posts on the blog are centered on what makes a good story and how we need to live a better story, so naturally I started to read more about stories and the characteristics of a good story.

During this period of research, I was just starting to figure out what career path I wanted to take. I knew that in every good story the main character wants something, so I started dreaming about all the things I wanted to do and accomplish. Here is a short list of them:

• Live in a big city, like NYC or LA
• Live in Africa
• Learn how to speak Spanish and French
• Play Professional Baseball
• Publish a best selling book
• Pastor a giant church where members are seriously passionate about Jesus
• Be in a movie

I could end up doing all of these things (although some tasks are more realistic than others). Occasionally I look for job openings in various areas of the world, and for local baseball tryouts. I even try to learn foreign languages from the students I work with (I know six words in Swahili, seven words in French, and three phrases in Spanish). 

But if I'm being honest, all of my dreams and desires seem so far away and it makes me feel stuck. I don't feel stuck because my life sucks; I have a beautiful, amazing wife, a wonderful newborn son, I get to teach at a diverse school, and I work for a thriving church. I just think of how cool it must have been for Pee Wee Reese as he hugged Jackie Robinson in front of a huge crowd. That was a big piece of history that paved the way for other African American athletes. I just long to be a part of something bigger. 

I feel stuck because I can't see the bigger picture.

God created us for something more, something big. But somehow we get lost in the mundane. The job, the cleaning, the bills, the sleep. Jesus tells us that we will do greater works than He did (John 14:12), but when do those works start?

This wasn’t Jewish hyperbole, because when we read into the books of Acts, Romans and beyond it becomes clear that the disciples really grabbed hold of this promise (as well as others like it) to heal people, perform wonders and various other miracles, as well as reconciling people to God, just as Jesus did when He was with them. The disciples were living out a great story that Jesus invited them into. 

They put all of their eggs in the Jesus basket. When everyone else was holding back to see if Jesus was really the Messiah, they gave 100%. Even when it went in the face of everything they had learned, they said ‘you have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”(See Mark 10:25-28, and John 6:21-68). 

I get stuck at this part. I tell myself that I am completely following Jesus, but there is always a part of me that I hold back because of the messy house and the reality of the monthly bills. Not only that, but sometimes I read the word of God and say, “this is a hard saying, who can listen to it?’ (John 6:60). I gloss over it and pick the Scriptures I want to listen to more closely. In my mind I say as the disciples said, ‘you have the words of eternal life…. And [I] have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.’ but in my heart I say, ‘It's too risky and too hard to do everything He says, so I’ll just live a comfortable life just like everyone else.’

But no good story has ever had a main character that was comfortable the whole time. 

Jesus wasn’t comfortable. He took our sins upon himself, and died a horrible death. But He was also raised from the dead. Upon His resurrection, the invitation to join His story was released to everyone in the world. 

Jesus has a grand adventure planned for every single person that puts all their eggs in His basket. It's time we stopped being comfortable with the mundane and started to embrace Him as He is, the Savior of the world. 

It will not be comfortable, and it may not always be safe, but living a good story never is.

I'm challenging myself to start living a better story. The story that God planned for me. A story worthy of conflict. A story that will allow me to speak Gods grace, love and peace into a mundane world.

I hope you will accept the challenge with me.  

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Our Plan's and God's Purpose

My wife and I just became parents; Britt labored for 38 hours before they opted to perform a cesarean section. I was able to watch most of the surgery; it was pretty disgusting but also incredibly amazing. They made an incision, cut the muscles and then started stretching the incision apart. I looked away for just a moment and by the time I looked back I saw the doctors pulling out our son’s head, and then they (not so carefully) pulled the rest of our son out of Britt.  As they dabbed him with a towel he peed on the doctors. I was so proud!

The moment I looked at him I started crying, I was so overwhelmed! That’s my son! Before the surgery I was just concerned about Britt rather than anticipating the excitement of the moment. I can’t explain the instant connection I had with him. It was love at first sight.  But up until the delivery I wasn’t necessarily feeling anything at all.

Britt and I were not planning on having children until we had been married five years. I was not prepared to find out my wife was pregnant two weeks after we returned from our honeymoon. Financially we planned on paying off our debt in three years then move to New York City to continue working with urban youth. God saw fit to shatter our plans, but not without protest.

There were many nights the first few months of the pregnancy where I was praying to Jesus, asking him why he would do this to us. In my head I would say, ‘God we don’t have enough money to do this. We can hardly pay down our debt and still pay our other bills. I don’t know how we are going to do this.’ But it was in those moments late at night where I felt God reassure me, as if to say, ‘when have you ever gone through a problem that I did not help you through? I provided then, I will provide now.’ He brought to mind the name that Abraham first used in Genesis 22:14 [Jehovah Jireh] – ‘The Lord will Provide.’

From that point forward I did not question how we would do this. I decided in my spirit that no matter what happens, no matter how hard or how crazy it gets, I need not worry because God will provide for our needs. Especially when we seek first ‘His kingdom and His righteousness’ (Matthew 6:33). But it is easier said than done.

If you know my wife, you know she struggles with borderline OCD. She has a type A personality, where I am more of a laid back type. I knew that if I was worried about finances and being prepared for a baby, she must have been struggling even more than I was. A conversation at a coffee shop about our living situation confirmed my suspicion. We both wanted to be on top of things, to go to the next plan, to be in control.

We all have control issues. One of the symptoms of our need for control is planning. Not that planning in it’s self is bad, but what is bad is the fact that we put so much hope in our plans. When we found out we were pregnant our plan changed, and for us we felt stuck. So naturally we started to make different plans. All of our new plans involved getting a bigger place for our family. We even started to look into buying cheap houses, or renting 2 or 3 bedroom apartments. But the reality was we couldn’t afford to lose the security deposit and pay to break the lease. And as I informed Britt of this at the coffee shop we both felt helpless. We couldn’t make more plans yet, and Britt cried.

As we sat there together in emotional turmoil, I asked if we could pray together. Britt and I prayed for us to give up control of our lives to God, to realize that He is our provider and will help us get through this. We also thanked Jesus that we had a warm place to sleep, and asked Him to help out those who were cold.

We went from being bewildered to being thankful.

God changed our perspective, and gave us hope. We will still plan but we know that the heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps (Proverbs 16:9). 

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